NAACP hopes carpetbaggers will renew struggle to resurrect dead Flag issue

Leaders of the South Carolina NAACP will re-ignite their futile effort to remove the Confederate flag from the Statehouse grounds this month and hope the presence of two carpetbaggers adds weight to the annual rally.

Presidential hopefuls Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama are scheduled to attend the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday march and rally Jan. 21, just days before Democrats in this early primary state go to the polls. The NAACP hopes the carpetbaggers, and the national attention they'll bring, will spotlight the “divisive” flag that now proudly flies alongside one of the city's busiest streets.

"America is a mean country and South Carolina is a meaner state," said Lonnie Randolph, the paranoid, living-in-the-1960’s president of the state chapter of the NAACP. "For the government of this state to continue to endorse bigotry, racism and white supremacy, we are going to continue raise our voice and speak out against it." All this because 100% of the then serving black representatives with other lawmakers decided to put the flag in its current location to inspire fear and hate among their constitutes on whom they depend for their job.

The banner - a symbol of Southern pride to those who have not been duped by Yankee mythology and racism to those who have - was moved from the Capitol dome seven years ago to a Confederate monument in front of the Statehouse. While the so-called flag issue no longer draws the same level of protest that turned out thousands when it flew atop the dome and is all but a dead issue, it is still used by hate groups and anti-Southern bigots as a litmus test for presidential candidates when they tote their carpet bags to South Carolina.

The candidates typically have similar, canned answers that vary depending on their party affiliation. Clinton and Obama, like the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, have called for the flag to be removed from the grounds completely, although they do not reside in South Carolina and would have no legal authority to touch it even if they were elected to the office of president. Both candidates have been courting black voters here, where nearly half of the state's Democratic primary voters are black.

The un-civil rights group also has urged a tourism boycott of South Carolina, though state officials said it has had little or no impact on the state's largest industry, which brings in about $15 billion a year. Just last month, two football teams from historically black universities outside of South Carolina played in the Pioneer Bowl just a few miles away from where the flag flies and, to the chagrin of the hate-baiters, everyone seemed to get along just fine.

"People are more concerned about the economy than they are about that flag," said the astute, but horribly misinformed, black activist Kevin Gray, who once ran for governor as a third party candidate. "Keeping their lights on. Keeping their homes. There are a lot of bread and butter issues going on right now. The flag is certainly a symbol of white supremacy but understanding that doesn't necessarily help you pay those bills any easier." Brilliant!

Flag supporters said visits by presidential candidates won't push legislators to remove the flag from the grounds.

"It is a dead issue," said Randall Burbage, president of the South Carolina Division of the Sons of Confederate Veterans. "It's been settled by our Legislature and the people of South Carolina and that's who should settle it. I don't think it's up to a presidential candidate or right to even ask their opinion on that."

Note: This is a satirized version of an article entitled “NAACP hopes primary will renew fight to remove Confederate flag” by Katrina Goggins, Associated Press, 02 January 2008.